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It was in October last year I heard about Bumble, a dating app which enables females users to make the first move created by Whitney Wolfe Herd, an American entrepreneur. I was always sceptical about online dating apps after hearing all those Tinder dating woes my friends shared with me. I felt it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there on dating apps and see if you find a common ground with the other person and hoping that romance evolves.
By December when Bumble was launched in India, I mustered the courage to be on the app hoping to find romance and maybe true love fingers crossed. The app was quite functional in terms of filling out the profile and verification and ensuring privacy levels so that my social media handles are not revealed to creepy strangers.
The app has some creative options to put some extra info to show how interesting you are to your potential matches, which I really liked. It was a great relief for me to tell my potential matches that I was a Feminist and my preference of meeting a fellow feminist.
And so my online dating expedition began on the very day of Telangana Assembly Elections. I got super swiped by a rather good looking guy on Bumble within a few hours and we got talking. Exchanged phone numbers, agreed on first getting on a call. But I did take a chance with the Guy No. He agreed to keep in touch and meet up after he returned back and sincerely kept his promise. Long distance calling from his side followed.
Itwas fun, and I was happy that he was easy to talk to and we even shared sense of humour. Everything was going on well for 2 weeks of hour-long phone calls from him and he forgot to reconfirm date on the day we were supposed to meet.
We cancelled and agreed to meet after he returned from his vacation. The phone calls stopped abruptly and messages trickled down to monosyllables and communication died within a week. It was only later after the New Year, I noticed that he deleted his Bumble profile altogether. I left it at that. It was very surprising that someone makes long distance calls for an hour everyday when he is travelling to the other side of the planet and maintains radio silence when we are barely a few kilometres apart.
I never got a chance to know how incredible this guy would be in real life, but I am thankful for our conversations he did help me see a few things like how men think about power, career and money. Thanks to him I was able to reconnect with my brother.
So, I took back something from this SuperSwipe. Thank you Bumble Bee!! My second Bumble date was fun and breezy. He suggested that we played Truth or Dare. Ended up giggling all along the two-hour coffee date. Shared stories and promised to keep in touch. We soon started exchanging messages on WhatsApp and he was fun to talk to. It was clear that we both liked each other and decided to take things further. Being a feminist and having a series of bad dates I made my own list of non-negotiables to ensure that we are clear on where we are heading without assumptions.
He found it difficult to agree to my dating rules. So we decided to be friends. He is currently vacationing in Cambodia and regularly sends me his holiday pics. We both agreed that it was less of a heart ache for we were clear about what we needed. We both deserve a pat on our backs for being mature.
Then the series of swipes followed, conversations exchanged, but nothing riveting happened. One guy was kind enough to share a delicious recipe as we exchanged messages during lunch. I tried it at home and it turned out delicious. Food connects people in strange ways. We met for coffee once and realised that there was nothing common between us except the cooking part. There was no magic. Our online interaction died off a natural death. I saw him delete his profile on Bumble without texting me why.
But, hey, I have his healthy vegetables and coconut recipe with me that makes me smile thinking of him. Thanks dude. The best part about Bumble was the conversation starters.
As a woman I felt safer initiating the conversation to test my comfort level in interacting with my potential matches before I shared my number and meeting these incredible men that I have shortlisted.
I found my wit and sense of humour in conversing with men and speaking my mind without hesitating. Someone them gave me that comfort level to interact with them without getting intimidated. But I must admit that I did have a fair share of virtual toad kissing episodes too. One guy went on to tell me how incredible his gym was and our entire interaction was about how skinny I look in the pictures and how I needed to add some weight in the right places and stay healthy.
I let him continue before unmatching him after enduring a couple of hours of virtual bodyshaming that he was generously doling out on me. Needless to say he never got my number. Some conversations were enraging, some were outrightly hilarious, but as a Gender Sensitisation trainer, I am taking in everything on my stride as these men surely gave me a reason to chuckle amidst my busy life.
One thing I definitely observed on Bumble is men indeed felt threatened that they had to wait for a woman to initiate the conversation. Many men I interacted with pointed out how difficult it is for them to wait until the woman responds. It was a tad surprising that NOT ALL MEN recognise the fact that we women do have our jobs, functional social lives and many of us are busy doing our own things before we swiped on them.
As I say, it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there hoping that someone swipes towards the better side and see if there is a connection that would have liberal doses of romance. I am not even talking about having a long term relationship here. Interaction between two individuals minus kindness and respect would fail without doubt under any circumstances.
One such recent interaction of mine resulted in a dinner date where the guy was intimidated with the kind of work I did in social sector. His attitude changed after that totally, as his texts were laced with belittling my work and negated with everything I said during the phoneconversations.
The perfect gentleman whom I met for dinner vanished into thin air and I ended up seeing the epitome of fragile masculinity in his place. That was scary. Thankfully he unmatched me after I told him that I preferred not to interact with men who trivialised mywork.
Or it could be another reason that I refused to cook pasta for him on a Friday night he wanted to invite himself to my place. Women may not respond to your messages and invitations immediately as we have things to do apart from our jobs. Did you hear about the 30 percent wage gap between men and women?
Do look it up please. Know that we are busy. And there is no need to be intimidated if we are opinionated about politics and social issues. You are here to date not debate.
It is better to be mindful to converse with each other using charm and sense of humour. If she laughs, you almost have her. We know our bodies better than you as we live in them. Date rape incidents are real and happening and rarely get reported. And many women on the app are empowered working women. Know your place. And yes, we will be texting a couple of our friends on the location, your car number and how the date is progressing and these are basic precautions we take not to get date raped.
Accept the fact that we are taking a chance trusting you amidst the escalating crime rate so, please refrain from saying NotAllMen in a creative way. After the first date, put in effort to stay in touch and plan the next date if you are into each other. Plan ahead respecting the fact that the other person too had a life before you came along. At every step. Respect that. You will earn respect by doing so.
This is basic decent human behaviour. End things amicably like adults. All above mentioned pointers are for the beginning of a relationship. Just be kind, mindful and respectful to each other and workout the magic. Disclaimer : We respect your thoughts and views! But we need to be judicious while moderating your comments. All the comments will be moderated by the newindianexpress. Abstain from posting comments that are obscene, defamatory or inflammatory, and do not indulge in personal attacks.
Try to avoid outside hyperlinks inside the comment. Help us delete comments that do not follow these guidelines. The views expressed in comments published on newindianexpress. They do not represent the views or opinions of newindianexpress. Cops attacked during cluster containment drive in Godhra; one injured.
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It was in October last year I heard about Bumble, a dating app which enables females users to make the first move created by Whitney Wolfe Herd, an American entrepreneur. I was always sceptical about online dating apps after hearing all those Tinder dating woes my friends shared with me. I felt it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there on dating apps and see if you find a common ground with the other person and hoping that romance evolves. By December when Bumble was launched in India, I mustered the courage to be on the app hoping to find romance and maybe true love fingers crossed.
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- На этих таблицах есть числа. Количество протонов. Период полураспада.